Recently, this has become a personal concern. I’m not planning on having coffee with every person (or is that stakeholder?) to explain that I separated from my husband, so I thought I might find a ready-made announcement. Unfortunately, there’s no evite equivalent. I already looked.
I hoped there would be an elegant online envelope (no confetti or anything tacky) that gently opens and an online card slides out saying “I’d like you to know that Boring Dirt-bag and I have separated”. I did not like Gwyneth's "consciously uncoupled". It was pretentious, sounding too neat and organized, like there was no agonizing or tears. I've never experienced my life to be either neat or organized. Anyway...
After the announcement, the RSVP portion could read:
Check one…………
_Great idea; I’m fully in favor
_Neutral; You must do what you must do
_Spiritual; You both will burn in hell
_Over-involved on my side: What took you so long? He was always an asshole
_Misinformed: You were always a bitch
Could I suggest that in lieu of flowers or comments, they might contribute to my Go Fund Me account? To set the record straight, my soon to be ex is not a dirt-bag, that was literary license. Why separate now? We've had a lot of years together. Well, whatever time I have left in my life, I can't waste it doing things I don't want to do with people I don't want to be with.
I’ve always wanted to create a line of ‘greeting cards for neglected occasions’ but that’s a digression. Digressions turn into blog posts…………
In March, 2025, Not The Trip We Planned will be published by Koehler. For better or worse, I am featured in the novel. I expect to be single and sassy (my daughter would say 'judgey' which I believe is a sentiment, not a word)
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