Just this week, episodes of Say Yes To The Dress began to appear on my TV. This is brand new for me. I never had whatever channel used to carry it, probably CRS, Cheap Reality Shows. I love this show. When I used to housesit for my friends Lee and Irene, I watched it for hours. Some people like drugs, I like SYTTD, but I am discriminating; I don't watch the southern show or bridesmaids; I want Kleinfeld’s in NYC.
I don’t follow celebrities' clothing except for Kate Middleton’s dresses (I do like most of her dresses and her gowns are wonderful – get well, Kate), and for TV, I avoid violence, supernatural, fantasy, game shows, so I’m left with children’s programming, public television, and Say Yes.
Don’t dismiss my TV crush. Give me a paragraph to win you over, but before we begin, you ought to know that I’m not a big fan of marriage, I cannot understand the idea of big weddings, I’m very frugal, and the thought of trying on clothes in front of a TV camera is incomprehensible, even if I still wore a size 5 like the old days.
Maybe that was my paragraph - I just explained to you why I watch. The show is so far out of my experience, it’s like watching David Attenborough take me diving underwater to visit the baby marine iguanas. There are tense moments in Say Yes (just like the danger faced by the iguanas) but that’s life, after all.
Here is my routine. I snuggle into the couch (I don't even need snacks), take a deep breath and unwind as I listen to young women sincerely explain that, “my budget is $10,000, but if I love it…” or giggle through, “I always get what I want” or shoot a side-eye to mom before insisting, “I want to look like a sex kitten”. The opinionated entourage or indulgent father is just icing on the cake, they are bit players like requisite underwater animals popping in and out, jaws wide open.
My friend Maddy, the social worker, has trouble with the level of emotionality attached to whole endeavor. She also takes a very practical view - can you sit in it? How heavy is the material? Would you wear it again? (Ha!)
And….to make it more mind boggling, there are basically 2 dresses – poufy and tight. The rest is variations on a theme, poufy with bling or fitted with bling, or no bling, or a corset, or big flowers, one strap, two straps, or no strap, vulgar or not vulgar.
Best of all is when the bride says (always with conviction), “I want something unique.” As a description for a wedding gown, (Mastercard credited here), "that’s priceless".
Do you have any thoughts on Divorce the Dress? Those comments would make a terrific follow up.
Watch for Not The Trip We Planned, coming out in March, 2025. Whatever else they write about me, I promise that I will not be wearing a wedding dress.
But as your long time friend, I love pondering the one you'd choose if you faced "You choose a dress, or your life!" when threatened by a deranged wedding planner. (Okay, you could do Mother of the Bride outfits, I suppose, but don't get me started on how awful they can be...--or what you are actually supposed to wear when the advice to the MOB is "smile and wear beige" (which has never been your color...) I am envisioning you in sequins :)
Meanwhile, my comment about improvements across our lifetime with wedding wear is that there are actually wedding dresses with pockets!! A friend's daughter had a gown that was elegant and sexy--and had pockets--which is quite practical f…